Please stop besmirching the good name of my favorite gift category–food gifts.  Quit sending the boxes filled with processed cheese spreads that are mostly chemicals and the unidentifiable tubes labeled as some sort of sausage.  Extend the protest to include those tree killing enormous boxes that contain a couple apples or pears.  I can find apples and pears that are just as good in my local super market.

Despite my heretical words, above, I love good food gifts.  I love giving them and receiving them.  But when I send a food gift, it is given with thought and is always high quality; please return the favor.  Oh, and by the way, high quality is not the same as easy to buy from a temporary, seasonal kiosk in the mall.  Food gifts require the same thought as any other gift category.

Instead of that big brand name box of gelatinous cheese spreads from the mall, consider a selection of genuine artisan cheeses from some cheesemaker who actually understands what cheese is and what it can be.  Join me in endorsing the thankless labor of goats and cows rather than joining the chemical additive bandwagon.  Speaking of myself, and I’ll bet you, too, I would much rather have a small amount of a real cheese instead of an overpriced huge box of the fake stuff.

A beautiful wine gift basket makes a delightful gift for the right person.  Do remember though that this gift is not suited for everyone.  You see, I haven’t had a drink in years, because I’m an alcoholic.  While my sister would be properly grateful for a wine basket, I would not.  She knows how to sip and savor; I remember only how to gulp and refill.

In our mobile society, we all have a beloved relative or a dear friend who has moved to some distant location.  Consider a gift of live lobsters or a couple complete lobster dinners.  Indeed, after you read this article, I hope you feel friendly toward me, because that is a gift that I would enjoy!

While I made fun of fruit gift baskets earlier, there actually are places where you can order a basket of gourmet fruit–fruit that does not grown in my back yard.  This can be a truly thoughtful gift for someone who is into fitness or who has started the sort of logical diet that allows the consumption of fruit.

I hope you understand…  If you give a little thought to a food gift, stay out of the long lines at the mall kiosks, and hasten the journey of the boxes filled with fake cheese to the garbage bin, which is where they are going to end up if you send them to me.  Spend an evening with me, shopping from my home office, using the Internet for all my food gift shopping.  Just remember that you’ll have to bring your own wine, but I’ll supply the real cheese.